Will And Family Disputes: The Small Things Aussies Forget
Australians are being warned that a Will may not prevent family disputes over jewellery, photographs and other sentimental possessions unless they also document their personal wishes.
Australians may believe everything is sorted once they have a Will. However, a Will and family disputes can still collide when children must divide jewellery, furniture, photographs and other possessions.
Many people write a Will and nominate an executor. They decide who receives the house and money. Then they assume their family will work out everything else.
Unfortunately, those smaller decisions can cause some of the biggest arguments.
A Will May Not Prevent Family Disputes
My TAP® co-founder Isla George said everything can change when adult children enter a parent’s home after their death.
One person may take Mum’s jewellery because she always said it would be theirs. Another may want Dad’s tools. Someone else claims the antique cabinet. Meanwhile, family photographs disappear.
Suddenly, everyone remembers a different version of what Mum or Dad wanted.
Grief can quickly turn into anger and resentment. Brothers and sisters who grew up together can stop speaking over possessions. Their parents may never have imagined those items could divide the family.
The founders of Australian digital life planning platform My TAP® say people often assume a Will organises everything.
George said people may document their major assets but overlook dozens of smaller, personal decisions.
“People think, ‘I’ve got a Will, my children know I love them, and they’ll work everything else out’, but that’s an enormous assumption,” George said.
“The house and bank accounts might be dealt with, but who gets Mum’s engagement ring, Dad’s watch, the artwork, furniture, tools, photographs or collections?
“These are the things that can become incredibly emotional because their sentimental value can be far greater than their financial value.”
Will And Family Disputes Can Start With One Possession
My TAP® co-founder Lisa Wendland said relatives can trigger conflict when they remove possessions they believe someone promised them.
“One person takes a piece of jewellery because Mum apparently told them they could have it, somebody else discovers it is gone, and suddenly the argument isn’t really about the jewellery anymore,” Wendland said.
“It becomes about fairness, favouritism, who did more for Mum, who visited Dad, and grievances that might go back 30 years.
“Grief has already put everyone in an emotional state, and then you add possessions and decades of family history, which can become incredibly combustible.”
Parents can also create confusion without realising it. They may have different conversations with their children over many years. Yet they may never document their final wishes.
“Mum might tell one daughter that she will have her ring one day, then years later say something different to another child. Once Mum is gone, nobody can ask her what she meant,” Wendland said.
“Everyone can genuinely believe they are right.”
The $50 Possession That Can Trigger A Family Dispute
Families do not need significant wealth for Will and family disputes to emerge.
George said inexpensive possessions can carry enormous emotional value. An item may have little financial worth but represent decades of memories.
“It might be Dad’s fishing gear, Mum’s recipe book, a painting, the dining table everyone grew up around or a piece of jewellery worth very little financially,” George said.
“To somebody else it might look ridiculous that a family is fighting over something worth $50, but to them it represents Mum or Dad.
“Once somebody believes another family member has taken something they weren’t entitled to, the damage can become much bigger than the object.”
Family Disputes Can Cause Lasting Damage
Parents may spend their lives holding a family together. However, Wendland said uncertainty after their death can damage those relationships.
“You can spend 80 years building a family and still leave your children with a mess because you assumed they would sort everything out,” Wendland said.
“Brothers and sisters can become estranged, partners become involved, grandchildren get dragged into arguments, and resentment can last for years.
“Imagine thinking everything was organised because you signed a Will, only for your children to end up never speaking again. Nobody wants that to be part of their legacy.”
A Will Cannot Explain Every Detail Of Your Life
A properly prepared Will and professional estate planning remain critically important. However, George said families can still face many personal questions that a Will may not answer.
“Who should receive sentimental possessions? What happens to the contents of your home? Who gets the photographs? What happens to your pet? What can be donated and what would you never want thrown away?” George said.
“Your family shouldn’t have to become detectives at exactly the time they are grieving.”
My TAP® aims to complement rather than replace a legally valid Will. People can use the platform to record broader wishes and personal information. They can also store memories, messages, and details about possessions for people they trust.
This information can help families understand someone’s intentions. It may also reduce uncertainty about personal belongings that estate planning may not address individually.
Reducing Will And Family Disputes Starts At Home
Wendland encourages Australians to try a simple but confronting exercise.
Walk through the home and consider what would happen if the family had to divide everything without its owner there.
“Walk through your house, open your jewellery box, garage, cupboards and drawers and imagine your family having to divide everything without you there,” Wendland said.
“Consider which things matter and which things might two people want? Think about whether you have promised something to somebody and does anyone else know?
“If there is a story behind something, capture that too, because something that means the world to you could look like junk to somebody cleaning out your home.”
The process can identify possessions with strong sentimental value. It can also reveal items that two or more relatives may expect to receive.
People may also discover promises they made verbally but never recorded.
George said people often avoid detailed planning because conversations about death feel uncomfortable. However, avoiding those discussions can leave loved ones with uncertainty later.
“Your family will already be grieving, so don’t also leave them with a house full of unanswered questions,” George said.
“Most parents would be horrified by the thought of their children fighting over their possessions, yet many are leaving exactly the circumstances in which that can happen.
“Having a Will doesn’t mean you’ve finished the conversation. Don’t just divide the money and assume everything else will work itself out, because sometimes the smallest things you leave behind can cause the biggest family fights.”
About My TAP®
My TAP®, My Time and Place, is an Australian-developed digital legacy, lifestyle and end-of-life planning platform. It helps people securely record their final wishes, life story and cherished memories.
Users can also store written, audio and video messages. They can record sentimental possessions, important documents and personal information in one secure place.
My TAP® aims to complement, not replace, a Will. Its patent-pending Nominee Access Methods give users greater control over how they preserve and share their wishes with loved ones.
Isla George, Andrew Stephenson and Lisa Wendland founded My TAP® following their own personal experiences of loss. They created the platform to help families have today’s conversations for tomorrow.
The platform aims to provide clarity and reduce uncertainty. It also seeks to help loved ones focus on what matters most.
My TAP® has its headquarters in Brisbane. The company has a long-term vision of becoming the world’s most trusted digital legacy platform.